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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109949">The Stars Will Burst</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisBright/pseuds/AllisBright'>AllisBright</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man (Ultimateverse), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adoption, Beware the LOSS, Canon &amp; Freeform, Complications, Emotional, F/M, Feelings, Hope, Hurt Pepper Potts, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, I am not mad at Steve but Tony is, It is going to get dark, LOSS GUYS LOSS I AM TELLING YOU, Loss, Love, MINOR CHARACTER DEATH BUT IT WILL HURT, No Beta, Pepper Potts Needs a Hug, Pepper Potts is sad, Pepperony Centric but there's space for everyone, Post Infinity War, Pregnancy, Sadness but some happiness too, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark is broken, Tony Stark needs all the hugs, Unexpected things happen, Wanna be my beta?, a bit of a mix, and of a mess, but don't forget the angst, everyone is a mess, for now, oh god the angst, relationships, tony stark - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:34:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,651</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109949</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisBright/pseuds/AllisBright</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You lost the kid.You, you, you, you, weak, miserable Tony Stark. Are you happy now?<br/>-One can only cheat death so many times.-<br/>And now look what you have done.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner &amp; Pepper Potts &amp; Tony Stark, Others &amp; Others, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. And then everything goes black</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Who am I, who am I to write Tony Stark, I wonder?<br/>No one, that's who.<br/>But still.<br/>I had to.<br/>Forgive me.<br/>Also, if I dare to interrupt this work kill me.<br/>Also it's a fan FICTION on a work of FICTION, so FICTION.<br/>It's not going to be pure canon, because what's the point.<br/>There will be some canon because, why not?<br/>And mistakes. No beta, little patience, kinda an impulsive writer whose first language is not English.<br/>But I am all for improvement, so, if something's wrong, gracefully point it out to me, but don't chew my head off, 'kay?<br/>I'm soft.<br/>Kudos, comment, feedback always welcome and much appreciated.<br/>Go read now.<br/>x</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Somewhere in America. A Month after the Snap.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They are all in a room, sitting together.</p>
<p>Well not <em>all</em> of them.</p>
<p>What’s <em>left</em> of them.</p>
<p>Ok, so, <em>what’s left</em> of them is sitting in a room waiting for someone to break the silence.</p>
<p>Tony doesn’t want to be there, he doesn’t even knows were he wants to be.<br/>
Pepper is there too.<br/>
He often looks for her in the room, hoping she wouldn’t notice, but <em>of course</em> she <em>always</em> notices, it’s<em> Pepper</em>, it’s <em>his wife</em>.</p>
<p>If he could make a wish right there, it wouldn’t be to have the power to bring everyone back, no, he would ask to have enough strength to get up from his chair, grab Pepper and get lost with her, somewhere far away from there.</p>
<p><em>But no.<br/>
</em>He still need IVs and sometimes sedatives, because as Banner said, <em>his temper has been unstable.<br/>
</em>Unstable.<br/>
Bullshit.<br/>
Tony is so tired to hear bullshit and yet he is certain that there was more to come in that meeting.</p>
<p>He feels weak.<br/>
His body, his brain, it was all they kept telling him.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re weak.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Weak.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You failed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>You lost the kid.You, you, you, you, weak, miserable Tony Stark. Are you happy now?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rhodes clears his throat before taking the word.<br/>
“So… Well, thank you, thank you for being here. I know we are all…” he stops and takes a sip of coffee from his mug. “We have a problem.”<br/>
“You don’t say.” Tony scoffs.</p>
<p>“Tony, let him talk.”<br/>
“Wow, wow, wow, Rogers, are you ordering me around now?”<br/>
“Please” Rhodes continues “I know it is difficult but please listen to me. This is serious. After the… After what happened, we not only lost our people but some of us have lost their… powers.”</p>
<p>Tony couldn’t care less.<br/>
“And this means that it is going to take us much longer to try to fix this.”<br/>
“<em>Fix </em>this?” Tony explodes, getting up from his chair. His vision is blurred, his hands are shaky. Pepper stands up too and runs to him.</p>
<p>“Tony, love…”<br/>
“No, no, let me get this clear. What happened can’t be fixed. We failed.”<br/>
“There might be a way”<br/>
“You stop lying!” He snaps at Steve “Stop fucking lying.”</p>
<p>“Tony, please, calm down” Peppers hands are on his shoulder “Please, sit.” But he doesn’t listen.</p>
<p>“Look Tony” Rhodes goes on “We’re all upset. Devastated. But we need to get you all to safety as soon as possible.”</p>
<p>“And why is that?”<br/>
“Maybe if you stop interrupting him, he’ll get to the point, don’t you think?” Nat’s voice is shaky but harsh and Tony sits down.<br/>
“Long story short” Rhodes explain “People all over the world…”</p>
<p>“What’s left of them.”<br/>
Rhodes looks at Tony. He’s exasperate, tired. His eyes are sad.<br/>
“People all over the world want to get to you to… There have been several protests, riots. People are angry. Furious. They want to kill you all. We don’t have the power to overcome them. Not this time.”</p>
<p>“So what do you suggest?” Steve asks.</p>
<p>“We have reason to believe that what happened can be fixed. So I have made a plan of protection for you all. You’ll divide in three groups and be sent to an undisclosed location. Only I will know where each of you are. There are three bunkers fully equipped to host you as long as it would be necessary.”</p>
<p>“So we basically hide, right Rhodes?” After we failed to do our job, we just hide. No consequences.”</p>
<p>“Trust me, I know you’re already paying them, Tony. You can fool yourself, but not me. Not the people who care about you”<br/>
“You know nothing, you all here think you understand but…”<br/>
“Enough” Pepper pleads “Enough, Tony, please. Just listen.”<br/>
“Pepper, honey, why? Why should I listen, why should I agree to this? It’s madness.”</p>
<p>“Because there could be a chance.”<br/>
“And what if the isn’t one? Then what? What?”<br/>
He’s shouting now, and he can feel he hasn’t much energy left.</p>
<p>
  <em>Weak.</em>
</p>
<p>“We’ll all do this Tony… But if you feel like it is all for nothing, if you feel like you want to walk away from us, please do. We’ll understand.” Everyone gasps at Steve’s word, but no one contradicts him.</p>
<p>“That’s… That’s exactly… What I-“ words are difficult now, he can feel Pepper grip tighten around his shoulder “What I intend to do.”<br/>
“But you won’t.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Tony tries to ignores the pain, the dizziness, his racing heart to look at Rhodes. “Care to explain why?”</p>
<p>“Because” he says “You’re Iron man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony tries to laughs, but his voice is broken.<br/>
“Yes…” he cries out “ I’m…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And - <em>thank God,</em> Tony thinks - everything goes black.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Gone too long</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony only feels safe in one place.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony is awake but he doesn’t want to open his eyes.<br/>
He learnt to do so after years of experience with captivity, kidnapping, being literally lost in the universe.</p><p>He doesn’t want to open his eyes yet because he wants to make sure he knows where he is first.</p><p>Too many times he has woken up in the dark, in places that were unfamiliar. Too many times he has woken up in pain, confused, anguished, at the mercy of severe panic attacks with no one to hold him.</p><p>He tries to focus on the details: the bed is soft, the linens are fresh, Pepper’s fingers are gently stroking his hair.<br/>
Maybe he’s dreaming. Oh, if he’s dreaming, well, <em>that’s</em> a reason not to open his eyes.</p><p>“Tony, love, are you awake?”<br/>
Her voice is calm and soothing, there’s no urge, it isn’t shaky or broken.</p><p>He breathes out and moves slowly, but he really, <em>really</em> doesn’t want to open his eyes.</p><p>“Tony, it is time for your medicine. Can you please open your eyes and look at me?”</p><p>Her hand is now on his cheek, always gentle, warm.</p><p>“If you are a dream and I wake up in the darkness and in the cold I am going to be very pissed” he breathes out.</p><p>Pepper laughs softly. She hugs him thigh and presses her forehead on his.</p><p>“I promise you I am very much real.”<br/>
“That’s exactly what dream you would say, Miss Potts.”<br/>
“I’m your wife Mr Stark. Please, would you do me the honour to open your eyes and look at me?”<br/>
Tony opens his eyes and she’s actually there, in his arms. He kisses the tip of her nose.</p><p>“Thank you” she says.<br/>
It’s a matter of seconds before Tony slips off the blissful feeling of being at home, when he doesn’t recognise the room he’s in.<br/>
He can feel the panic coming, he’s <em>sure</em> Pepper will disappear into thin air and he desperately wants to say something, or to scream, or just to move, but he can’t and he hates his body and his brain for that.</p><p>“Tony. Tony, it’s okay.” Pepper can feel his heart pounding, his breath shortening. “Tony, my love. Just breathe. You’re safe, we’re safe. We’re together. We’re in Rhodes’ bunker, remember?”</p><p>Her hand is still pressed agains his cheek, her fingers caressing his temple, waiting patiently for him to come around.<br/>
“Remember?” A reassuring smile curves her lips.</p><p>Tony blinks for a second.<br/>
Oh. <em>Oh.</em></p><p><em>Sure</em>.</p><p><em>Rhodes' fucking useless bunker.<br/>
</em>He clears his throat.</p><p>“Yes.” His voice is still groggy “I remember”.</p><p>Pepper relaxes against his body and his embrace grows tighter.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” she murmurs against his shoulder.</p><p>“Pissed.”<br/>
“Why am I not surprised?”</p><p>“Because you know me.”<br/>
“Yes.” she lets out. “I know you.”<br/>
For a moment they remain silent, just listening to each other’s hearts, a noise they’ll never take for granted.</p><p>“So” Tony says “Rhodes’ bunker, uh? No metal beds and canned food?”</p><p>“You always underestimate him. As if he would put you in such a place, even in a protection mission.”</p><p>“Mh.”</p><p>“I guess he thought you had enough of miserable places.”</p><p>“He’s definitely right about that.”<br/>
<em>Only about that tho.</em> <em>Everything else he muttered at that conference was pure shit.</em></p><p>“What about the huge windows and the panoramic view? Aren’t we supposed to be hidden underground?”</p><p>“Well, actually we are” she explains “It’s… not real. The view I mean. Everything else is” she adds quickly.</p><p>“Amazing. From a ship in the middle of nowhere to a fake penthouse” he snorts.</p><p>“Well I am here.”</p><p>He looks down at her and he kisses her. He lets go for a moment and then kisses her again.</p><p>“This is an improvement”.</p><p>Another kiss follows.</p><p>“An improvement without the shadow of a doubt.”</p><p>“And Bruce is here too.”</p><p>“Banner? Well this’s…”</p><p>“Useful. And extremely helpful. Smart of Rhodes to put your big brains here together, hopefully he can talk some sense into you.”</p><p>“Some sense?”<br/>
“They really need you, Tony.”<br/>
“No. No, no, no. They can do fabulously without me. I just need you. We’ll be brilliant, you and I.”</p><p>“I know” she whisper on his lips “I know we would be. But you’re talking like this now. I get it. It’s so soon. But…”<br/>
“There’s not but, Peps. I…”<br/>
“Let’s just take some time, okay? You think about it and then…”</p><p>“No!” He grabs her arms and pushes her away from him. A glimpse of fear darkens her expression and Tony quickly lets her go.<br/>
“Sorry.” He mutters, almost out of breath “Sorry, I… I didn’t mean, I…”</p><p>“I know” she says.</p><p>“Come back here” he opens his arms but she remains quiet on her side of the bed for a moment, before snuggling back against him.</p><p>He sighs in relief and holds her again.</p><p>“I dind’t mean it, I just… I just can’t think about it. I don’t want to… I don’t want to remember.”<br/>
“I know, love, hush, it’s fine. It’s fine. Let’s just take a few days for you to heal a bit, okay? If you really want to go, we’ll go.”</p><p>“Pinky promise?”</p><p>She giggles.</p><p>“Pinky promise, Mr Stark.”</p><p>A knock on the door interrupts him.<br/>
“The doctor will see you now” she says to him, amused at his groan of disappointment.</p><p>“Be good to him, Tony.”</p><p>“Where are you going?”<br/>
“Just in the kitchen. I’ll be back soon.”</p><p>A second knock.</p><p>“Jesus, Banner! Patience!”</p><p>“I can hear you’re up loud and clear.” Bruce says from behind the door.</p><p>“Seriously Tony, be good.”</p><p>“I’ll try my best.”</p><p>Pepper smiles a she opens the door. She greets the doctor and disappears in the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>There’s an awkward silence in the room now.</p><p>“Well” Tony starts “I guess you’ve seen more of me that most of the women I’ve slept with, so there’s no need for embarrassment, doctor.”</p><p>Bruce bursts into laughter.</p><p>“I know you’re improving by measuring how much uncomfortable you make me feel, Tony. It’s good to see that you’re up and talking.”</p><p>“Well, I’m sitting down, resting against a bunch of pillows like a young sweet maiden who caught bronchitis two centuries ago.”</p><p>“Trust me, you’re much more work.”</p><p>“Sounds like I’m a pain, uh?”</p><p>“Like you couldn’t imagine.”</p><p>“Oh, trust me, <em>I know</em>. So, how bad am I doing?”</p><p>“Physically you’re on the mend. Far from be cleared, but on the mend. I worked hard not to…”</p><p>He stops, looks at the monitors, scrabbles something on his pad.</p><p>“Where are the others?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It’s top secret. They just divided us in some groups and shipped us God knows where.”</p><p>“And they put us together”</p><p>“Yeah. We’re the smart ones. Big brains it’s all they’ve left.”</p><p>“Mh. No more super strength, Soldier Serum and the Green one?”</p><p>“Nope.”<br/>
“Gone? Forever?”<br/>
“Dormant. Thanos… The snap… It kind of poisoned us.”</p><p>“No antidote?”</p><p>“Not yet. Couldn’t figure one out”</p><p>“I see. Well, better being stuck with you than Rogers.”<br/>
“Tony, don’t…”<br/>
“Don’t what?”</p><p>“Nothing” Bruce says. “Just… Don’t stress out too much. Try to rest. Rhodes got all of your garage transferred here, by the way.”</p><p>“Really? Where?”<br/>
“This bunker is bigger than it looks.”</p><p>“I figured. Just tell me where. I can wheel myself down there.”<br/>
“I’ll tell you.” Banner teases, reaching the door. “Just not today.”</p><p>“Oh, come on!”<br/>
“What’s going on here?” Pepper asks, coming back to the room holding two mugs.</p><p>“Nothing, Mrs Stark. Just a difficult patient.”</p><p>Tony waits until Bruce disappears behind the door.</p><p>He grabs a mug from his wife’s hand and takes a sip of sweet, hot tea.</p><p> </p><p>“That doctor is mean, I’m telling you. Almost as bad as this tea.”</p><p>Pepper laughs.</p><p>“You’re so ungrateful!”</p><p>“I’ve been called worse. Come here you. I feel like you’ve been gone for too long."</p><p>Pepper lets herself fall to the mattress, tangling her fingers to her husband’s.</p><p>He claims her lips.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Too long indeed.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>What am I doing.<br/>Ah, the fluff.<br/>ALL THE FLUFF.<br/>Sadly it won't last.</p><p>thank you, readers!<br/>it's lovely to see you there in the hits.<br/>Feel free to comment, kudos, bookmark, tell me to stop (I won't).<br/>your voice really motivates me.<br/>and so do my insane obsessions.<br/>Too bad that everything I imagine it feels so good in my head, then I write it and.. meh.<br/>Hugs.</p><p>x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Alone All Along</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Failure never comes alone.<br/>It comes with guilt, and memories, and insecurities, and feelings, it’s a pretty huge reality check, and sure as hell, Tony Stark doesn’t like reality checks.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It starts lightly and it ends... well. Not as much.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Stop looking around” Nat snaps “You’re not <em>actually</em> going to see him, it’s just his voice!”<br/>“I get that, but it’s still weird.”<br/>“Of <em>all</em> the things you’ve seen <em>and </em>heard you call <em>this</em> weird?”.<br/>Steve shrugs his shoulders and Nat rolls her eyes.<br/>“Go on James” she scoffs.</p>
<p>Rhodes’ voice fills the room again.</p>
<p>“So I’ve been checking upon the others. Reports are as expected. Rocket and Nebula are still trying to locate Thanos. Thor is still pissed at himself.”<br/>“I take that we decided to trust Nebula?”<br/>“Well, she has her own reasons to be wanting to find her father, don’t you think? Maybe they’re different from ours but she definitely has<em> reasons.</em>”<br/>“Ok. Fine. I’ll give you that.”<br/>“How long before Thor snaps out self pity?” Nat asks bluntly.<br/>“I guess he has to find a purpose first.”<br/>“Great. What about Stark?”<br/>“Well…” James exhales “<em>Tony</em> is… <em>Tony</em>.”<br/>“Has Bruce told him about the serum yet?”<br/>“He… <em>mentioned</em> it.”<br/>“Oh.” Steve snorts “They’re taking their sweet time aren’t they?”<br/>“Steve…”<br/>“No, Nat, come on, they’re… They’re the ones that could actually do something and they’re leaving us here to rot!”<br/>“Steve!” Natasha is obviously mad now. “Think about it. We’re all hurting, we lost our friends, and guess what, Steve, people actually have <em>different</em> ways to cope with pain and at the end of the day, like it or not, Tony’s the one who lost the most. And he was out there all alone, and he <em>knew</em> everything and he could <em>feel </em>everything, and…”<br/>“He’s not ready yet. He will be. Soon.” James reassures “At least he knows he has his whole garage now.”<br/>“What? You gave Tony Stark his <em>whole</em> garage in his <em>bunker</em>?”<br/>“Steve!” Natasha - <em>she swears to God</em> - is an inch away from slapping Steve Rogers to death. “How is he supposed to work otherwise?”<br/>Rhodes sighs.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/></span>“I know him” he says “He needs to destroy stuff before creating something new. You’ll see.”</p>
<p>A bleep and then Bunker Two falls silent again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony bursts into laughter.</p>
<p>“Easy, easy, kid.” Peter looks at him, confused. An uncertain smile breaks his serious, focused expression. <br/>“Sorry sir” he lets out.<br/>“It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ve got this kid. You’ll just have to find the right pace, you don’t wasn’t to wear yourself out.”<br/>Peter nods.<br/>“Yes, sir. Let me try again.”<br/>“The field is yours.”</p>
<p>Tony is always surprised at how much he enjoys spending time with Peter Parker. He has never thought himself as a kid person, God forbid. Not that he <em>doesn’t like</em> kids but he has always felt a bit uncomfortable around them.<br/><em>Sure as hell that shit had some this to do with my messed up non-childhood</em> - Tony scoffs - he knows enough about <em>that.</em><br/>But, <em>Peter</em>, he’s just <em>phenomenal</em> and full of life and <em>yes, he messes up</em>, but he’s a <em>kid.</em></p>
<p>“Better this time, Peter!” he shouts “Now clean yourself up and come back here. We’re going to grab a bite. I’m starving.”<br/>And he’s thinking about Pepper. When he goes home he has to hear her opinion on this kids matter after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony doesn’t like to fail.<br/>Not because he thought he was infallible…. Well, <em>maybe</em> just a bit, but it’s mostly because failure never comes alone.<br/>It comes with guilt, and memories, and insecurities, and feelings, it’s a pretty huge reality check, and <em>sure as hell</em>, Tony Stark doesn’t like reality checks.</p>
<p>But he failed.</p>
<p>Everything is burning around him, his hands desperately clutching at Peter’s body that is so cold.<br/>“No” he mutters to himself “No, no, no.”“Sir?” The kid’s voice doesn’t come from his body, it’s all around the fucking planet and it echoes.<br/>It echoes in Tony’s <em>ears</em>, in his <em>head</em>, in his <em>heart</em>.<br/>“Sir, what’s happening to me?”<br/>“No. No, please.”<br/>“Sir, help me please. I don’ know where I am, I don’t know…”<br/>“Peter! Kid”<br/>“Don’t leave me, sir.”<br/>“Oh, God, Peter!”<br/>Tony screams for so long that his lungs ache.</p>
<p>“<em>Don’t leave me</em>!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>*</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he opens his eyes his vision is blurred. He can feel someone’s hands in his hair, on his forehead, on his shoulders.</p>
<p>“No” he goes on whispering.<br/>Pepper is devastated. She’s used to Tony’s nightmares, but they have never been this bad.<br/>His eyes are open, but he looks so anguished and lost and <em>in so much pain</em> she’s not sure he’s actually awake.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/></span>“Tony, love, can you hear me? It’s okay.”<br/>“Why?” - <em>he’s screaming now </em>- “Why the kid, why the kid?”<br/>He jolts out of the bed, shaking. He takes a few steps out of the bedroom.<br/>“Why the kid, why the kid? I… I….?”<br/>“Bruce!” Pepper calls out “Come here!”<br/>Dr Banner runs out of his room. “What’s wrong?”<br/>“I… I don’t know” Pepper says, as she watches Tony sit in one of the armchairs in the living area. He hides his head in his hands and starts to sob so violently that Pepper’s eyes tear up.<br/>“What do I do?”<br/>“He’s sleep-walking” Bruce sys “you mustn’t wake him.”<br/>“Can we at least get him back to bed?”<br/>Banner shakes his head. “He’s too far into the nightmare. He thinks everything he sees it is real.”<br/>“What do I do? How… How do I make him feel better?”<br/>“He’ll wake up by himself. Just stay with him and make sure he’s safe.”<br/>Pepper swallows her own tears and nods.<br/>“I’m really sorry. I know it must be painful to watch”<br/>“<em>It must be horrendous to live</em>” she whispers.<br/>“Oh.” Bruce says “It is.”<br/>He clears his throat “I’ll be up in my room if you need anything.”</p>
<p>Pepper nods and reaches her husband on the armchair.<br/>His whole body is shaking. She caresses his hair with the tips of her fingers as gently as possible.<br/>“Oh, Tony” she breathes to herself “Come back to me love.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And after what seems the whole eternity, <em>he does.</em></p>
<p><br/>His head tilts up, startling Pepper out of the chair.<br/>“Pepper?” he husks. Her arms are around him before he has the time to realise anything. He’s still shaking.<br/>“What… How… Why the living room?”<br/>“Shh, it’s okay. You had a nightmare, but it’s over now. You’re okay” she says, words mixes to her tears and her kisses on his skin “You’re ok, you’re here with me.”<br/><em>Nightmares. Of course it was a nightmare</em> - he thinks, wrapping his arms around his wife, pulling her closer to his chest.</p>
<p>And <em>then</em> it hits him.</p>
<p>He <em>remembers.</em></p>
<p>The nightmare.<br/>He doesn’t always do, but <em>now he does.<br/></em>And he remembers, and he has never said it <em>out loud</em> yet, <em>not to Pepper.<br/></em>She feels his body tensing in her arms.<br/>“What is it, Tony?” <br/>He gasps for air, his mouth dry like sandpaper, his throat still aching from the shouting.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>the kid</em>, Pepper” he mutters.</p>
<p>Her embrace grows tighter.</p>
<p>“<em>I… I lost the kid</em>.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi Readers!<br/>First of all, sorry Cap if I wrote you stupid in this one. I swear I have nothing against you. Your lines just came out this way.</p>
<p>And, readers!<br/>Thank you all for the hits, kudos and subscriptions! Keep them coming, and if you like the story so far, let me know.<br/>And poor Tony.<br/>But I promise he'll get his garage back soon.</p>
<p>Hugs!<br/>x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. As Close As The Holy Ghost Is</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tony takes care of his garage. And of his wife.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He buries his face in her hair as she holds him.<br/>“Pepper, I…”<br/>“I know. I am so sorry Tony.”<br/>“I… failed” he breaths out “I don’t know… I had a responsibility… He was just a kid and I… I couldn’t protect him.”<br/>“Oh, love” she says “You did the best you could.”<br/>“But it wasn’t <em>enough</em>. It wasn’t enough. I…”<br/>He swallows hard, struggling to find the words.<br/>“Tell me” she invites him, kissing the top of his head.<br/>“I <em>loved</em> that kid, Pepper… I truly did, I love him like he was…”<br/>Pepper tears up again, and nods, pressing her lips on his forehead.<br/>“I thought… I always thought I didn’t have <em>that</em> in me, that I would never… That I would <em>never</em> experience that kind of love, Pepper, and…”<br/>“Oh, Tony…”<br/>“And just when I thought I could be a <em>fath</em>.. That I…”<br/>He lets out a desperate sigh.<br/>“I fucked up.”<br/>She shakes her head and cups his face.<br/>“Look at me” she urges him. “Tony, love, look at me” her voice is shaken, but so incredibly soft that Tony can’t find in himself the strength of looking away.<br/>“I know you’re blaming yourself, Tony, and I know that there’s noting I can say to ease your guilt, and it kills me, <em>it kills</em> me Tony, but it wasn’t your fault.”<br/>She places a kiss on his lips. “It wasn’t” she repeats. “I love you. I love you so much.”<br/>He doesn’t say anything, but he presses his forehead agains hers, and he just stays there, until he feels his head and his body get heavy. He clears his throat and tries to speak.<br/>“I’ll get you some water” Pepper rushes.<br/>“No!”  he cries out “Stay. Please. One more minute.”<br/>Pepper readjusts herself against his body.<br/>“Okay. Sure. I’m here.”</p>
<p>“So…”he starts “How did I end up here in the living room?”<br/>“You sleepwalked. I tried to get you back to bed butcouldn’t” she explains.<br/>“Oh.”<br/>“It can happen.”<br/>“And… Did I… Did I hurt you?”</p>
<p>It wouldn’t been the first time that his nightmare got rough.</p>
<p>“Oh, no. No, Tony, you didn’t. Don’t worry. You’ve always been a loud dreamer, I guess.”<br/>He nods, tangling his fingers with hers. His body relaxes, he feels like his head is full of cotton now.“Do you want to go back to bed?” Pepper asks.<br/>He nods.<br/>“Let’s go then.”<br/>He follows her to the bedroom and once she’s under the duvet too, he pulls her closer to her.<br/>“Stay here.”<br/>“I won’t move” she promises. <br/>He closes his eyes and all the tensions that was left in him meals in her embrace.</p>
<p>“Tony?” Pepper whispers in the dark, her lips against his temple.<br/>“Mmmh?”<br/><em>“You always had that in you.”  she murmurs. “You still do.”</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The morning after he wakes up and still feels groggy.<br/>The artificial light hurt his eyes.<br/>The memories of the night before are tangled up together in a messy fog in his head.<br/>He tastes Pepper’s side of the bed: it’s empty but still warm. He hears clutter, probably from the kitchen, the smell of coffee hits him.<br/><em>Ok </em>- he breathes -<em> it’s ok.</em></p>
<p>He hops in the shower, hoping to shed away the last layer of uneasiness and to clear up his head.<br/>It works.<br/>The water is warm on his skin, almost burning, but he doesn’t mind.<br/>He somehow feels better.<br/><em>Still </em>guilty, <em>still </em>sad, his heart <em>still </em>heavy, but somehow he can breathe through his feelings.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The kitchen is empty, when he walks in there. He pours himself a mug of coffe and he’s halfway through it when he hears muffled voices from the corridor.<br/>“Pepper?”he calls out. The chatting stops for a moment and then resumes.<br/>Tony steps in the corridor and notices that the walled closet’s door is slightly open, and only when he approaches it he realises it’s not a closet at all.<br/>He follows the stairs down to a basement area. Somehow there the lights are even brighter.<br/>“Okay, James, we’ll update you” he hears Pepper say.<br/>His wife and Dr Banner are in what is his garage, his lab, <em>his space</em>, where all his tools h<em>is stuff i</em>s.<br/>“Care to explain?” he bursts out.<br/>“Oh, Tony, you’re up. How you’re feeling?”<br/>“I’m fine” he snaps. “What are you doing <em>here</em>?”<br/>“It’s nothing.” Pepper explains.<br/>“I just heard you talking to James.”<br/>“Yes, he… He checks in once in a while. We didn’t want to wake you.”<br/>Pepper can see that he’s getting upset.<br/>“Please, don’t be mad.”<br/>“I’m not <em>mad</em>.”<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/></span><em>Liar.<br/></em>“I’m just confused, I don’t <em>quite</em> understand why you’re here talking to Rhodes behind my back.”<br/>“Tony, we weren’t…” Bruce starts, but he only manages to get out a couple of words before Tony snaps again. “Just leave me alone… I really need to be <em>here</em> alone.”<br/>Pepper and Bruce exchange a guilty look, but then they both nod, and decide to leave him to his business.<br/>“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Bruce mutters to Pepper closing the door of the passage behind him.<br/>Pepper smiles. “You’ll see.” she says. “Just keep some bad aids handy”.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tony is finally alone.<br/>Being there, surrounded by all that’s so familiar to him, is the closest to home he’s ever felt since he’s stepped on Earth again.<br/>But he doesn’t dare to touch anything.<br/>“Friday?” he calls.<br/>“It’s good to hear your voice, sir.” the AI replies straight away. “What can I do for you?”<br/>He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before giving the instruction.<br/>“Show them to me.”<br/>F.R.I.D.A.Y. starts projecting images on the screen in front of him. All his fallen friends.</p>
<p>It’s Shuri and T’Challa.</p>
<p>It’s Nick Fury.</p>
<p>It’s Wanda.</p>
<p>It’s Vision.</p>
<p>It’s…</p>
<p>“Peter Parker” the AI says “Status: deceased”.</p>
<p>Tony breathes hard.<br/>“Do you want to see the civilians, sir?”<br/>He swallow a knot of tears.<br/>“Go on.”<br/>But there’s only so much he can take.<br/>He’s at the mere beginning of the horrifying slide-show that F.R.I.D.A.Y. has for him when he calls it off.<br/>“Friday” he sighs.<br/>“Yes, sir?”<br/>“Initiate the <em>ENDGAME Sequence</em>.”</p>
<p>In the instant of silence that follows the order his whole life runs in from of his eyes.</p>
<p>“Initiating ENDGAME Sequence.”</p>
<p>Tony stays still as a surge of power explodes around it and his whole garage start going to pieces.<br/>It’s loud, like the pain he feels, but it’s somehow <em>satisfying</em> and at the same time Tony feels an obscure rage taking control of his body. He grabs a metal bar and start smashing everything that it’s not already broken.<br/>The light goes out and the basement is lit only on the emergency lamps.<br/>“It’s done, Mr Stark.” F.R.YI.D.A.Y. communicates.<br/>“It’s not done!” he shouts “this cabinets won’t break!”<br/>“It’s Mrs Stark orders, sir.”<br/>“<em>Mrs Stark</em>?”<br/>“She owns half of the properties sir. She instructed that they remain safe.”</p>
<p>Oh. <em>Oh</em>.</p>
<p>Tony crashes into the chair in front of what once was his desk.<br/>I see.” <span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/></span>“Anything else, sir?”<br/>“Just have this cleaned up, would you, Friday?”<br/>“As you wish, Mr Stark.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s late in the evening when Tony emerges from the garage.<br/>The bunker is dark.<br/>He walks into the bedroom.<br/>Pepper is in bed, the light on the nightstand is on, she’s reading a book.<br/>She doesn’t even flinch when she sees him, all dusty and messed up.<br/>“I see what you’ve done there.” he says.<br/>She smiles. “Oh, <em>really</em>?”<br/>“You would never let me find something you didn’t want e to find.”<br/>“Wouldn’t I?”<br/>He joins her in bed and kisses her.<br/>“Thank you” he breaths on her lips.<br/>“Oh, you’re very welcome Mr. Stark” she says, kissing him back “Have you done much damage to yourself?”.<br/>“Couple of scratches” he mutters, his lips caressing every ounce of her bare skins.<br/>Pepper shivers at his touch.<br/>“Is there anything I can do for you, Mrs Stark?”<br/>"Oh.” she says “Many, <em>many</em> things.”<br/>“Mhh. You’re delightful. Tell me what you want.”<br/>Pepper sighs.</p>
<p>“<em>You</em>.”</p>
<p>She arches and twist around his fingers, trembles under his tongue.<br/>“So be it.” he husks, filling her slowly.</p>
<p>“<em>All of you</em>.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sooooo, yeah.<br/>Slowly but surely Tony is getting somewhere.<br/>But is he, really?</p>
<p>Sweet readers, thank you for your presence!<br/>I love your kudos, hits, and comments.<br/>Please feel free to leave a sign of your passage.<br/>I really appreciate all of you.</p>
<p>Hugs</p>
<p>x</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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